Knock That “Prince” Off His Horse

Shaking my head, practically causing whiplash, I listened in shock. What? She did what? For how long? How does that even happen? Who initiated that? Way too many questions I guess for the messenger. They gave me that “Don’t Shoot” kind of look. Putting up their hands in a protective stance against my machine gun bombardment of questions. I can’t help it, I need answers. I NEED answers. Sadly, answers the messenger cannot provide.  Away with the messenger!

Lately, I’ve come across a crazed epidemic. And by crazed I mean demented, insane, an affliction void of all thought and reason.  One taking mostly women hostage into a whirlwind of blurred imaginings, into a rabbit hole of mistaken dreams. Hoping that the outcome of this entire story will end with a Prince on a white horse, or one holding a glass slipper, or one providing that magic kiss.  One that will fight the nasty dragons just to release them from their tower prison. One who will fight all who stand in his way just to liberate her from evil.

WAKE UP!!!

The problem with this whole scenario is NOT the romantic idealistic dream of having someone do all the things that those stupid fairy tale books promise every little girl. (That is so going to spur another post, for sure). The problem is that their Prince belongs, dare I say, to another. Yes, this Prince does NOT carry a shimmering crown on his head, but instead; BEHOLD! He bears a shiny golden ring around his finger. Fine, a Titanium ring. Who cares. I can’t hear you. Speak up. “But he had no such jewel on his finger” you say? Granted, you are only taking in what you are presented with. Initially. But in each of these scenarios, there comes a time when the universe grants you total access to his “Book of Truths”, or “Book of Secrets”, however you want to spin this. What was once honest unawareness, now becomes stupid hope. I sound unsympathetic? Let’s see how this builds up.

Your Prince, he does all the right things. Sweeps you off your feet. Dinner, gifts, his undivided attention and time. He smiles, he shares, and most of all, he listens. Perfect! Fast forward; after you find that ring; or overhear a phone conversation; or “accidentally” stumble upon a family picture of the Mrs. and his 2 kids in his wallet, that so happened to “fall” out of his pants while he was showering in your bathroom; tells you, with crocodile tears in his eyes, that the marriage is doomed. That his wife is A)crazy; B)cheating on him; C)not the same woman he married 10 years ago or D)leaving him and taking the kids.

YOUR MOVE!!!

I can’t!!! You chose to believe one or all the options??!!! The expression stupid can be translated to foolish. Really, that’s straight from the dictionary. When I dig deeper, foolish is swapped with words like unwise and thoughtless. Just a little deeper, unwise turns to risky; thoughtless turns to selfish. You CAN’T argue that this hope of yours is risky, given that you are about to gamble in to the unknown; in to another woman’s domain, not knowing if she’s going to take action with the hostility that only a scorned woman can display. One that can only be depicted perfectly by a Lifetime movie. And it’s selfish seeing as you are only concerned about your own forceful needs without thinking of the snowballing aftermath en route to all those around you; coming fast toward your Prince, his kids, the woman who brought you in to this world that taught you better than to settle for seconds. Your poor, poor mother.

As generations go by, I’ve noticed that the character of Prince Charming becomes more believable, more applicable to real life. My favorite being the one in the 2002 Fables comic book. In that version, he marries Snow White, Sleeping Beauty AND Cinderella. No, no, not at the same time. Consecutively. Each one ended up in divorce due to his compulsive womanizing. Sound vaguely familiar? A little too close to home? Either way, in the comic, he proudly states: “I always truly love a woman when I first pursue her…I’m just no good at the happily ever after part”.

Which of the three Princesses above are you? Given that he’s already married, you are definitely NOT Snow White.

I’m feeling frenzied with this whole one woman dialogue. Why? Because in my years, I’ve seen this play out always the same way. Everyone was hopeful when Tori Spelling became the Sleeping Beauty (yes, that’s #2) of Hollywood. The romantic acceptance that the scorned ex-wife just wasn’t meant to be. That Tori and her Prince would live blissfully everlastingly (fairy tale words) with their perfect kids. Well, NOT so much, huh? And about that woman of which I started out this post with? Well, NOT so much either.

AND YOU?

Well, after you’ve had a good cry (it’s therapeutic). After you’ve contemplated Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes revenge (but knew better). After you ate that whole gallon of Rocky Road ice cream (you’ll burn it off later). After a bit of clarity and a shot of Fireball; KNOCK that damn Prince off his supposed White Horse. Go ahead, muster up all your strength, grab the reigns, pull yourself up and ride proudly. And find yourself a SINGLE KING!

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