The world is our arena. All spectators are present. Young and old. Men and women. True hard-core fans. Each one excited to support its chosen team. Differences dividing couples and causing rifts between families. A source of tension amongst friends. Anxieties increase due to internal conflict.
The contenders? In one corner the warm and classic Phone Call. In the other corner the cold and modern-day Texting. I’ve placed my bets and this is MY recap of the game.
Round 1: Just Catching Up With a Friend
- PHONE CALL – Back in the day before texting entered the scene, people had no reservations about picking up the phone and calling a friend. Heck, it’s all we knew. No other option than to put aside some special time to talk, laugh, cry or celebrate. You listened to each others actually speak. You could actually hear them giggle after you said something funny. You could tell your friend was worried by the quivering of her voice. You heard her sniffling when she told you her mom passed away. And the excitement that came pouring through the line when he told you he proposed to his girlfriend. You can’t fake this stuff. (Well, unless you’re really, really good at faking stuff. Another time, different post).
- TEXTING – Laughing has been replaced with LOL… And if it was really, really funny never fear, that’s what LMAO is for. Can you even remember what your friends laugh sounded like? Want to say congrats? Surely you can express your excitement fully with the obnoxious amount of exclamation marks you include. Happy? Sad? Disappointed? Nervous about the new job? Doubtful about your new boyfriend? Oh, don’t worry, there’s an emoticon for that. A little yellow face replacing the sound of your friend’s voice. (These emoticons are taking over the world).
Round 2: Need To Cancel Plans
- PHONE CALL – Nerve wrecking to say the least. But do you have a legitimate reason to cancel? She’ll understand that you came down with food poisoning, right? Will she notice that you’re lying when she hears your voice trembling with minimal confidence in the excuse you’re using? Of course she will. Plus the dread of actually hearing her disappointment as she tells you “I hope you feel better”. Too much to handle. So you tell her the truth, just like a friend would.
- TEXTING – Oh what a breeze this will be. An excuse? Ha! You have 5 sure-fire excuses on file. Any one of them can sound convincing as long as you add those stupid emoticons. A few sad faces, followed by an “I’m sorry, I’ll totally make it up to you” and you are off the hook. Or are you? Could you truly say for a fact, without hearing your friends reaction that she’s not pissed that she went through all the trouble of making those reservations, then you cancel on the same day? Did you truly think that her “sure, not a problem” was truly not a problem? IT’S A PROBLEM.
Round 3: Mom, I’m At Jakes House
- PHONE CALL – “Put Jake’s mom on the phone right now!” (BUSTED) “Get your butt home right now. We’re so going to have words later”.
- TEXTING – “Is there an adult in the house?” (of course). “What are you there for?” (we have to complete a homework project). “Next time ask me before you go, okay?” (Yeah, sure mom, sorry). “Two hours tops, then go home. Let me know once you get home”. (Yeah, sure mom, of course). “You’re welcome”. (Oh yeah, thanks). YOU’VE BEEN PLAYED.
Round 4: Out With The Guys/Girls
- PHONE CALL – First, what’s the constant need to be checking in if your significant other knows in advance you made plans to go out? (I’ll rant about that at another time). Did you lie about where you were going and now fear calling because she’s going to hear either the booming, thumping music at the club you guys planned in advance to go to? Or he’s going to hear the jeering female screams cheering on the male stripper at the Chippendale you girls planned for months to go to for what’s her names birthday? You have a better chance that an actual phone call will keep them honest or just make them work harder to find noise canceling solutions. Or here’s a concept, maybe just telling them where you’re going to in the first place.
- TEXTING – Similar to Round 3. “Hi, you guys/girls having fun?” (Yes, it’s nice to catch up with them. Long overdue). “Where did you guys/girls go?” (Quaint little restaurant/hole in the wall dive/mani pedis/sports bar). “Tell them I said hi”. (You send a well choreographed pic of the group having fun). “Cool, next time we should do a couples thing”. (Absolutely, they said they can’t wait to see you next time). “When you coming home”. (Honey, it might be a bit late. I’ll wake you with a kiss). “Love you” (me too). And BAM! just like that, they go back to that dance or back to slipping a dollar in to that thong.
Round 5: Dating Overall
- PHONE CALL – Oh the day when a young boy and girl or a man and woman, would spend many hours and days talking and listening to each other over the phone. To hear his voice tell you how beautiful you are. To hear his excitement when he first hears your voice on the other side of that line. To hear the flirtatious comments. To listen as he answers all your questions. To fully understand which of those questions actually made him nervous because you could hear his hesitation. To know which of your own replies he actually listened to because he repeated them and acknowledged them accordingly. To know exactly when he began to lose interest because of the silence. To later hear the sincerity in his apology because he was just distracted with the game but didn’t want to lose the chance of having you there with him on the line. And to hearing each other breathe as you both almost drift off to sleep and saying good night but neither wanting to hang up first. (True story. Really, this stuff happens).
- TEXTING – Where do I even begin with the problem with date texting?! Okay, you both meet. Both exchange numbers. And instead of him growing the sober courage to pick up the phone and call you personally to ask you out on a date regardless of the outcome, he cops out and sends an impersonal text. And you? Oh, you swoon because he texted you? Are you seriously kidding me? He texted because he was nervous? So. dag. on. freaking. what! When did nerves become a true man’s downfall? Aren’t all men boasting about how it’s all in the challenge? And now the challenge arises and his choice of weapon is to cowardly hide behind a text? First sign of weakness. (Run for the hills). But let’s say you look past that and accept the date. You like to give guys the benefit of the doubt. DOUBT HIM! He still doesn’t pick up the phone to personally discuss the plans? And he texts you to let you know he’s on his way? And he texts you that he’s outside waiting? And finally, you get to hear each other during dinner. Laugh during dessert and look forward to another date as he drops you off at home. Perfect? You guys continue to text for days. Perfect? Do you even remember what he sounded like? Are you sure he’s set aside time to “talk” to you or have you allowed him to “fit” you in because texting is so easy. Hasn’t he asked, or wait, texted you for another date? And was that text a sincere reply? Did he have a tone when he sent that last text? He texted you 15 times yesterday but only 12 today? He didn’t text at all? How long has it been since his last text? He just told you WHAT over a text? You guys didn’t seriously have a text argument, did you? You guys broke up over text? We’re you even dating? (Hope you learn your lesson for the next dude that tries to date text you).
You hard-core texting fans can continue fighting for your right to text. Don’t get me wrong, there are times I sport your team jersey. I’m no hypocrite. Texting can help you out in a jam by group texting something important when you don’t have the time to call everyone individually. And if you’re somewhere that requires silence or if where you’re at is too noisy, well, then a text is your saviour. But use this
tool weapon wisely and sparingly, because in the end, after all strategies are considered, the good old Phone Call will always win. At least 80% of the time. (Yes, that’s my own imagined percentage based on my own imagined statistics).
And here’s some additional rants on texting: You lose communications skills. You forget how to talk to each other. All these acronyms are taking over the actual english language. People are actually saying omg, lol, wtf and smh in real person to person live conversations. Please tell me you see a problem with all of this. Do not succumb to the “everything text”. Please do NOT text your friend to read about this awesome blog you just read. Trust me, call them and you can laugh about it, together, over the phone. And you can thank me later.