Clash of the Titans (when this couple butt-heads on practically everything)

For anyone that has had the privilege of watching this movie, either the original or the remake, (stay far away from the sequel “Wrath…”), you’ll recall that the male character, Perseus, exuded the muscle and strength to fight for the damsel in distress, Andromeda. He encountered witches, two-headed dogs, chopped off the head of Medusa (referred to as a Titan in the original), and fought The Kraken (also referred to as a Titan) to bring life back to normal for the woman he loved. In the original, the gods predict that Perseus and Andromeda will live happily, rule the kingdom wisely, and produce children. Zeus then forbids the other gods to pursue vengeance against them. In the remake, Perseus declines the offer to wed Andromeda and goes on his way. The end. (Disclaimer: In actual Greek Mythology, neither Medusa or The Kraken are Titans, but that’s not the point here).

Let’s get it clear, before I continue, I am NOT Andromeda. Far from it. And my male counterpart is NOT Perseus. When we both met, dated and wed five months after (yes crazy kids, only 5 months), we quickly learned that we are both representations of Medusa and The Kraken. Two powers trying to coexist in the same lair. Both vying for the same title. The tricky part is trying to determine which of us is Medusa and which is The Kraken. I put a lot of thought in to that, but for the sake of this article, I’ll proudly take on the role of Medusa. (The Kraken would agree).

Let’s go back to those five months we dated. Bliss! We had only one argument and it lasted as long as a good nights sleep. I lived in a uber cozy one bedroom attic apartment in Queens. It took true creativity to furnish and decorate this tight space. He’d visit and pour laud on to all that I did. He even mentioned lied how he loved the curtains that I sewed up myself. As for his own living arrangements, he shared a city apartment with some chick, claiming just the bedroom as his space. It was all white. No joke, no color. No throw pillows, no wall hangings, not even a lava lamp. No sign of personal taste or expression. And he sported a 13″ round tube television. (For the younger, out of touch generation, this is an old-fashioned television, horrifyingly had no remote and was the size of your laptop. We now refer to these as vintage). Did I mention that The Kraken here is an architect?

Fast forward to a City Hall “I do” and we excitedly move in to our first apartment together. We pop open a bottle of champagne and contemplate the large open space. Lots of space. This is where I begin to realize that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Most of my girlfriends complain that their dear husbands never give their opinions on how to decorate their home. They don’t seem to care what color the walls will be, and little less if the throw pillows coordinate, tying in the colors with the furniture. Their only contribution is where to hang the flat screen television and to make sure there is a suitable coffee table to prop their feet upon. Done! They suspect I’m fortunate to have a partner to bounce ideas off of and think it’s great he has an opinion on such things. Foolish women, they know NOTHING! To sum up the last eleven years, I wanted horizontal stripes, he wanted vertical. Of course we nixed the stripes. He painted the spare bathroom a pastel green, I painted over it. He loves bright colors I love all shades of gray. I like the chevron patterned pillow, he liked the floral. To just agree on a nursery wall color was a huge production of discussions, scrutinizing, comparing, debating and convincing. You think it’s funny, it’s exhausting. The Kraken thinks he knows better due to his career experience. He forgets the powers of Medusa. Once turned to stone, the Kraken is useless, so remember that!

And this doesn’t apply just to decor. Cooking can be a bonding moment. Many couples come together to chop, season and stir while sipping and laughing over a glass of wine. For us it can turn in to a moment of some serious eye rolling and head shaking. He enjoys piling on the different flavors, I prefer to simply bring out the natural flavor. He needs sauce, I want it dry. I want over-medium, he wants to poach. Every cooking moment is a five-star, twelve course meal opportunity for him. I like a quick boil or steam and call it an evening.

I would love to help you out and say that this is where it ends. No chance. Let’s continue with how he will soon enough burst in to flames if he doesn’t get the constant frigid blast of the air conditioner. I’m currently looking for someone who will design heated clothing. At this point he’s actually come to regard my flannels as sexy. As far as drinks go, he’s a liquid gold Jack Daniels kind of man, while I favor a deep earthy glass of Cabernet. He needs to empty a barrel full of ice to every drink. I prefer all my drinks at room temperature. Lately he’s become a powerhouse with his workouts. I dread AND excuse my way out of even the guilt of not going downstairs to my basement to workout with all the equipment we invested in. His music is hard and loud, rap and metal, and he cringes at my love for Justin Timberlake. He reads science journals, I lose myself in a novel. He uses math for most of his major decisions, I use common sense. (No, that’s not insulting. He will proudly and loudly claim that “geniuses” are more mathematical minded. Don’t even get me started on that).

Are we doomed? Is this what we get for only dating five months before we bit the marriage bullet? Is this enough to send the biggest commitment-phobe running away from a visit to the Justice of the Peace? Which Titan will win?

Doom is so absolute, with death or destruction as the final outcome. Don’t get me wrong, there are days where the fantasy of such crosses both our minds. We are Titans of course. But in those 5 months, we learned a lot about each other that solidified our decision to take the plunge and we’ve been validated for the past eleven years.

Laughing and having a good time is tops for these Titans. We frequent comedy clubs and watch stand up on television because we love to laugh. Marvel superhero movies make us both very happy. A future visit to comic-con can be found on both of our bucket lists. Since our first date, trying out new restaurants and just eating out is such a pleasure. We are of like mind when choosing where to go on vacations and planning out our itineraries. We love to sight see and learn about each locations history. Titan nerds.  Putting the kids to bed early every day so we can just chat is a given. We always end up proud and satisfied with our final decor/renovation decisions. He’s great at cooking and I’m great at cleaning. We love coming together with a cheese platter and a drink to wind down. He’s introduced me to Neil deGrasse Tyson, and I’ve introduced him to The Blacklist. Together we dislike, strongly dislike anything Bieber and Kardashian. We both agree that we are never ever, EVER to share smelly “taking a crap” bathroom time. No interest in sharing this foul activity, right up there with looking dead straight in to Medusa’s serpent haired face. And inspired by The Venture Brothers, we even came up with our very own secret victory hand gesture.

As for the important stuff, well, we’ve joined forces and yoked our stand on religious beliefs, moral standards, financial decisions and how to raise our three boys. Never a snap with two strong minds, two type-A personalities. But these topics were always a given from the moment we met. That’s right folks, we talked about all these social “taboo” topics from the get go.

The lesson? Who knows. I challenge you to find one.

All I know is that the movie wasn’t called Perseus and Andromeda. No one cared. It’s the Titans. Every one remembers the Titans!!!

— Elke




4 thoughts

  1. Wow. I sound like a complete prick! (I am the Kraken by the way). I have to say that we could not be anymore different but still oh so similar. We are like magnets. We both have north and south poles so even though we can repel each other at a moments notice, one of us can turn around and we will come together instantly. Its that attraction that keeps us hinged together, one singular point that guides us on our path.

    Ok. Enough of that mushy crap…….

  2. Love this post. I literally laughed at loud when you actually list how opposite you are but come together for things you do have in common. 5 months is only time and time escapes everyone so bravo to you both for jumping in with two feet ready for the risk. That is love after all. BTW you love kardashian. Disclaimer lol

    1. Well, long story but I’ll sum it up by saying that when Perseus encountered Medusa to cut off her head so he could defeat the mighty Kraken, he became distracted by her mountainous breast. On the verge of becoming stone himself, the mighty Zeus casted upon her breast the curse of the “Bert Brow”, powerful enough to turn off any man. Now focused, Perseus was able to fight on and cut off her head.
      Sorry, thought everyone knew the story.

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